From Russia, With Love
by PureFuronGodliness
Summary: Set right after DAH! 2. Crypto and Pox are summoned back to the Furon Homeworld, and Crypto has to leave Natalya behind. While the warrior clone struggles with his lovesick feelings, Pox has his own demons to face...
1. Dasvidanya, Natalya

**Author's Note: Finally another story that's finished. I hadn't been writing much for a while due to personal issues harshin' my buzz, but then one day I read through my notes again and got all feverish and hungry for writin'. This actually ain't the fic I planned on posting next, but I decided to brush the dust off it and finish it for once, 'cause I started it _years_ ago and I'm going to lose track if I keep startin' new fics without finishing the old ones first. Also, I gots more plans for this one. Hope you enjoy…!  
****By the way, I do not own Destroy All Humans! and/or its related characters, nor do I own 'From Russia With Love' as a title. 'Cause I totally stole that from James Bond. This fanfic, however, IS mine so keep yer phylangeopods off it, ya hear?  
****But I suppose _no one_ owns Destroy All Humans! at the moment. Let's all hope and pray to Arkvoodle the rights to the franchise find a safe new home at the THQ auction in May. :( I think Double Fine Studios might be the right one.**

_~~~From Russia, With Love~~~_

It was Fall, 1969. Milenkov had been defeated, the Blisk had permanently been wiped out, and Natalya was still with Crypto.  
They had returned to Earth, and were currently in the saucer's bed chamber, which stood in a remote Siberian forest.  
They lay in bed together, lovingly stroking eachother after a romantic night.

"Is there something wrong, Cryptushka…?" Natalya whispered to her alien lover while gently running the back of her hand along his cheeks. "You seem a bit sad…"

Crypto silently looked her in the eyes for a while, thinking of how to reply.

"That's cause I _am_ sad, dollface…" he then whispered back. "See, I can't stay for much longer. I have to return to the Homeworld to get Pox a new clone body, and probably a new Mothership. I'll have to leave you behind, and I don't know how long I'll be gone, or if I'll ever see you again…"

Natalya slowly stopped her strokes, yet still kept her hand against Crypto's face. Her silence was killing Crypto as she stared into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, babe…" he whispered to her. "I'm still on a mission… I still have to save my species…" He then held Natalya's face in his hands and stroked her cheeks with his thumb. "Trust me, I wish I could stay here with you and tell Pox to get some other warrior clone, but I can't… I'm the only one he's got, and he's still my commander."

"I understand, Crypto…" Natalya replied. "You have little choice. We destroyed the Blisk and saved Russia, now it's time for you to save your people…"

"But what about you…?"

"I'll be fine. Haven't you learned by now that I can hold my own in just about any situation…? I will miss you, though… but I'll understand if you need to move on without me. I know several places where I can keep myself well out of the KGB's kogty."

"Just be careful, Nat… It'd kill me if anything happened to you. And… you're probably gonna have to move on without me…"

"Don't worry, lyubimaya. I'll be alright."

Natalya then pulled Crypto closer and kissed him, lovingly grazing his lips, which he returned while putting his arms around her. He then used his psychokinesis to pull the covers over them for one last time.

Several hours later, Crypto had flown the Scout Ship over towards a location indicated by Natalya to drop her off.  
They had left the saucer together, and walked towards an isolated small building to say their last goodbyes in the North Siberian cold.  
Natalya stopped near the entrance of the bleak, grey concrete old house and turned to face Crypto, whom was already looking as if he could break right into tears, which was very uncharacteristic for him to say the least.

"Well, this is it then, tovarisch…" Natalya sighed. "I hope your new Mothership will be a bit more welcoming than this old place."

"Yeah…" Crypto uneasily replied. "I wish I could do more for you to keep you safe…"

"It's alright, comrade. This will be only temporary." Natalya assured him. She then kneeled in front of him and placed a hand on his shoulder with a sigh. "Well, udachi, Crypto, in saving your people, and may your leaders praise you for your heroism, as mine never did."

Crypto then pulled her close while trying to hold back his tears, and held her in an emotional embrace before sharing a final passionate kiss.  
As they let go again after a minute, Crypto was a bit surprised to see Natalya was crying.

"You must go now, lyubimchik… we are only making it harder on ourselves…" she whispered as tears ran down her cheeks.

Crypto swallowed for a moment as he slowly nodded, and then forced himself to turn around while everything inside him protested.  
Natalya still sat on her knees as she watched Crypto walk away, back to his ship, her tears falling down into the snow.

Crypto now felt his own tears running down his cheeks as he stepped into the Abducto Beam, and turned around to look at his lover one last time.  
The beam began to raise him up, and he slowly waved at Natalya as it drew him towards the entrance of the ship.  
Natalya waved back, and watched him disappear into the Scout Ship, leaving forever. She then suddenly heard Crypto's voice in her mind, with the same loving whisper he always used just for her.

'Goodbye, dollface… I love you.'

Natalya then placed her hand to her lips and broke into sobs as she watched the ship take off, and it soon disappeared into the Siberian fog.


	2. The Long Way Home

Pox, -or rather, HoloPox- was in the saucer's bed chamber, waiting for Crypto to return.  
The warrior clone entered the room while wiping away his tears with a sleeve of his shirt, still feeling emotional and guilty.

If Pox could have placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, he would have.

"I'm sorry, Crypto…" he spoke to him softly.

"Don't sweat it, Pox… It had to happen some day…" Crypto replied.

"Think you are ready to leave…?"

"Yeah, let's just get it over with…"

Pox then went back over to the saucer's cockpit, and initiated the already programmed journey to the Furon Homeworld.  
The Scout Ship left Earth's atmosphere, and then accelerated to well over lightspeed in mere seconds, beginning the long journey to Proxima Centauri.  
Pox then headed back down to the bed chamber, and found Crypto lying on the bed, his back to him. Even with the confinements of the HoloPox unit, Pox could still sense Crypto's lovesick feelings all too well.

He silently hovered over to him, around the bed and into the warrior clone's view.

"Do you want to… talk about it…?" Pox asked silently.

"No." Crypto curtly replied, and turned his back to his mentor again.

"Alright…" Pox timidly let out, feeling rather guilty. "Well… the journey back to the Homeworld will take about four days… Which means we're stuck together in this tiny ship's limited space with little to distract ourselves with for about 90 consecutive hours. So I propose we try to make the mood a bit less… gloomy than it is now…"

Crypto turned around again to face Pox, looking annoyed.

"What do you suggest we do, toast marshmallows 'n' sing camp songs?"

"Crypto, I'm only trying to-…"

"Why don't you shut yourself off for a few hours?" Crypto angrily asked.

But the rather hurt look on Pox's holographic face made him regret his words.

"I'm sorry, Pox…" he then sighed. "I just want to be alone for a while, alright…?"

"Alright…" Pox replied. "I'll be in the cockpit then, in case you need me…"

* * *

Several hours passed, with Pox monitoring the journey in the cockpit while Crypto silently lay in the bed chamber, thinking and worrying about Natalya.  
He wondered if he could ever forget her. He couldn't _imagine_ ever forgetting her. She would have been safe with him, but now she was going to get hunted down by her former employer, the KGB, again, and what if they caught her…?  
After an hour or so, Crypto had briefly fallen asleep. When he awoke a little while later, he saw Pox silently hovering at the other side of the room, checking a few things on the ship's onboard computer.  
Crypto sat up and rubbed his eyes for a moment.

"So…" he then started. "Where do we go once we arrive, to get you cloned anyway?"

"My home." Pox replied. "I have a lab in my basement which includes a cloning machine with the data required. And once I'm cloned again I'll have to face the War Council… That's why we were in such a hurry. Admiral Cyclosporiasis had informed the Council of the distress call I made and they demanded our return to have me answer for myself…"

"You're not in trouble now, are you?"

"I-… I'm not sure…" Pox replied, but the tone in his voice spoke for itself.

"_I_'m not in trouble, am I?" Crypto then asked.

"No, not as long as we keep quiet about cloning Natalya. They won't at all be pleased to hear of us using important equipment like a cloning machine to clone a lower life form, a _human_…"

"Yeah, but it wasn't just _any_ human… _Rawr_…"

"I still can't believe you did that, though…" Pox sighed. "It also could get _me_ in trouble since _I'm_ responsible for everything that happens during the mission. Plus, you _tinkered_ with her genes…! If she were Furon it would have been one of the worst crimes commitable, do you realize that…?"

"I didn't really tinker with 'em, I just… loosened things up here and there…" Crypto defended himself. "Just some minor stuff to make her, ya know…"

Pox let out a sigh.

"I know. Those changes will straighten themselves out over time, though. If she realizes what you basically made her do, she might not be so infatuated with you anymore…"

"With the lovin' I've been givin' her, she won't care what it took to talk her into it…"

"We'll see." Pox replied. "Or maybe we won't."

* * *

The Scout Ship continued its way, hurtling through space with its two occupants.

Crypto spent most of the remaining hours sleeping and worrying about Nat, while Pox kept an eye, -or digital visual receptor- on things as his HoloPox unit recharged.  
Pox was also worried, though. The appeal he'd recieved to return to the Homeworld immediately had not been formulated in a very friendly fashion, and of course, back when Pox transmitted his call for help Cyclosporiasis had not seemed very pleased to hear of the Mothership, with all of the gathered Furon DNA having been blown to quarks.  
All the omens were grim. First the Homeworld had refused to send them help, and now they demanded Pox and Crypto to return and for Pox to appear before the entire War Council. What if they had already appointed another commander to… No… no, they couldn't… They wouldn't… Would they…?


	3. Welcome Back, Orthopox

After a long journey through space, the Scout Ship finally reached the Proxima Centauri system.

Crypto had taken place on the pilot's seat to manually guide the ship down to planet Furon.  
Once there, he set course for Pox's home, situated in the far outskirts of Gorta, in the rural area, and landed the saucer on its surrounding property.

* * *

"Hey Poxy…?"

"What?"

"I think I'm on another world with you. Got yer keys in your pocket?"

"Very funny, Crypto." Pox frowned. He'd expected Crypto to seize these last chances to poke fun at his incorporeality.

The two Furons then left the Scout Ship, and headed over to Pox's home.  
Pox unlocked the front door by entering an elaborate code, and headed inside along with Crypto.  
Upon sensing their presence, the house's main computer switched on the lights, illuminating a tastefully decorated house, tinted white and subtle greys, with beautiful stylish furnishings, all in an unmistakable modern Furon style.  
But there was no time for Pox to enjoy his home. He headed for the elevator to take him to the basement lab, with Crypto right behind him.

Once they left the elevator one floor below, Pox hovered over to the cloning machine present there.

"Alright, Crypto…" he began. "You'll have to activate it for me. Just start up a standard procedure for my genetic code. My HoloPox unit will deactivate once it begins, so keep an eye on things until I appear out of the end cylinder. Alright…?"

"Got it. Hey, wait… What about your, uh… 'package'…?" Crypto asked.

Pox looked a little unhappy.

"All the data I gathered was lost along with the Mothership." he replied. "I'll have to start over when we return…"

"Oh. Bummer. Okay, you ready…?"

"Yes… See you in a few minutes…"

Crypto then programmed the cloning machine, setting up the things needed to grant Pox his new body. The HoloPox Unit switched off, as Pox had said, and the cloning machine then began its work, awakening a dormant Orthopox from the maturation vats and preparing him for life.  
Crypto waited as the machine hissed and hummed, and finally, after a few minutes, the exit cylinder slowly opened as vapour poured and twirled out, eventually revealing a glorious young new Orthopox, clutching a slightly oversized bathrobe to his chest as he finally stood on his own two legs again.

Pox cautiously stepped out of the cylinder, feeling a bit unaccustomed to walking again.

"Welcome back, Poxy…" Crypto spoke. "Ya look new and shiny. Think I liked Orthopox-13 better, though. It has a nicer ring to it…"

"Very funny, Crypto…" Pox said again. "We need to head back upstairs. I can't face the Council in a bathrobe, I'll have to get some clothes…"

But after the two Furons had headed two floors up, to Pox's bedroom, an unpleasant surprise awaited the newly cloned commander as he slid open his wardrobe door.  
The closet was empty.

"Brains, I had forgotten…" Pox let out, staring at the empty shelves in disbelief. "All my clothes were on the Mothership…"

"Now what…?" Crypto asked.

"I'll have to borrow some of yours. There's no time to go buy anything…"

"Alright, but I ain't exactly got the same style as you, you know what I'm sayin'…? Plus I'm wearin', like, two or three sizes larger than you are."

"It will have to do. Let's head back to the Scout Ship…"

* * *

About half an hour later, the Scout Ship landed at the Imperial Palace in the center of Gorta City. Pox and Crypto left it, and headed for the stodgy, oversized entrance of the mighty palace complex.

As they headed inside and passed through the massive vestibule, they immediately drew odd looks from the other, high-placed guests.  
For Pox was wearing a pair of jeans, its legs torn at the bottom, with a grey tie-dye shirt, both clearly oversized for him, plus a pair of Crypto's boots which completely disappeared beneath the trousers. Crypto was wearing his warrior uniform, which was pretty much the most formal piece of clothing he owned.

The two Furons headed over to the reception desk, and the female clerk behind it glanced over her glasses, double checking whom stood before her.

"Orthopox-14…?" she asked, making Pox a bit nervous.

"Yes…" he replied. "I'm expected by-…"

"The War Council." the clerk spoke for him. "Please wait here while I inform them of your arrival."

"T-thank you…" Pox let out, and turned around.

He and Crypto just started to make their way towards some sofas located in the vestibule to sit and wait on, when a chime was heard through the complex's intercom.

'_Dun-dung-dun…_'

Pox froze as he heard the voice of the clerk he'd just spoken to.

"_Attention. All members of the War Council, please gather at the Council Hall. Orthopox-14, Furon Commander, whom had his Mothership blown up by monkeys, has arrived at the Palace, dressed in his Sunday best, and awaits judgement. Thank you."_

'Dun-dung-dun…'

Crypto looked over at Pox, who looked as if he could go right through the floor as all of the other Furons present in the vestibule stared at him and whispered at eachother, completely mortifying him with their degrading looks.

"Ah, they don't know what they're talkin' about, Pox." Crypto told him. "If you explain stuff to the Council they'll know it wasn't your fault, right?"

"I hope so…" Pox squeaked, the last bit of confidence he had left having just been squeezed out of him.

A few minutes later, Pox and Crypto were escorted towards the Council Hall.  
As they stood before the door leading to it, Crypto looked at Pox again.  
He was clearly nervous, to a point that it also made Crypto worry.

"You ready, Pox?" he asked his mentor.

"As ready as I'll ever be…" Pox sighed.

"You're going to have to wait here, sir." the Furon that had escorted Pox and Crypto told Crypto. "The War Council only needs to speak to Orthopox."

"Fine." Crypto replied. "Break a leg, Poxy."

Pox took a deep breath, and then headed into the Council Hall.  
Crypto went to stand in front of one of the transparently decorated windows that flanked the hall's door which provided a view into the large room.

Pox walked across a landing that ended in a raised circle in the middle of the room, which had nine raised platforms situated in a semi-circle around the circle in the middle, with all members of the War Council perched on their own elaborately decorated chair and looking down at him, with the middle one straight across from the landing being a throne seating none other than Emperor Meningitis.  
To his left sat Ecoli, Meningitis' daughter, beautiful but quite an overindulged bitch. To the Emperor's right sat Endocarditis, Ecoli's brother and a high placed individual in the Furon military, though not by accomplishment. He was known to be quite selfish and cared little for others.  
The other six Council Members were either high placed military officers or important members of the scientific community.

A pressing silence weighed down on Pox as he reached the center circle and bowed to the Emperor.

"Commander Orthopox," an elder Furon seated two seats left from the Emperor began. "You have been summoned by the War Council to answer for what has happened at SOL-3. Admiral of the Fleet, Cyclosporiasis, has informed us of a distress call transmitted by you not long ago, in which you claimed your Mothership had been destroyed by an enemy missile. Is this true?"

"Yes, sir…" Pox answered quietly.

"And this missile, had it been launched from planet Earth?"

"Yes…"

"By humans?"

"Yes, sir. But upon invest-…"

"You do realize, Orthopox, that having one of our Motherships destroyed by a primitive species such as humans is a disgrace to the Furon Empire?"

The tension in the room was quickly rising, with all members of the Council frowning down on poor Pox as he stood there feeling smaller every second that passed.

"I do, sir. But I assure you I-…"

"And that the fact that all progress you had made in the preceding _fifteen years_ has been lost is most undesirable?"

The elder Furon was beginning to raise his voice, and Pox could actually feel the Council Members placing a kind of mental weight on him.

"Sir, please let me explain…!" he pleaded. "The humans were-…"

But Pox was suddenly forced on his knees by the War Council, and had to catch himself by quickly placing his hands on the floor before his legs.

"Rumors of your carelessness have already found their way across the galaxy, and even sparked attacks on other Furon Motherships and orbit vessels!" the elder Furon continued, silencing Pox again. "Luckily _their _occupants responded competantly and nullified the threats cast at them. You were tasked with a most important assignment, Commander. One that can not afford any mistakes, for the very existence of the Furon race depends on it! Your weakness can not be left undisciplined. You lowered your guard and allowed the humans to strike at the heart of the mission…!"

"It were not just humans that initiated the attack…!" Pox exclaimed, standing back up in protest. "The Blisk had taken over one of Earth's countries' government and had become aware of the Furon presence, so they launched the missile to destroy us…! They were planning to exterminate humanity and claim Earth for themselves, but we-…"

But Pox was yet again not allowed to finish speaking, and let out a noise of pain as he was roughly forced on his knees again by the Council.

"I had expected more of you, Commander." Admiral Cyclosporiasis, also seated in the Council Hall, then spoke. "But to blame an _extinct_ enemy is just reprehensable."

Pox now sat shaking on his hands and knees, trying to keep himself together. Why won't they listen to him…?!  
Outside the room, Crypto watched it all in disbelief, not understanding why they were being so hard on old Poxy.

Another Furon, this time a high-placed scientist, then spoke.

"Not long before your return, we also recieved some anomalous clone process data from the lower-grade cloning machine present on one of your Scout Ships." he said with a deep frown. "The subject cloned was clearly _not_ Furon. And given the fact your Mothership had already been destroyed at that point in time it also cannot be explained as an act of research. Who or _what_ was cloned, Orthopox?"

Pox kept his gaze down, his fears and worries now nearly all becoming reality. He didn't dare to look up as he silently replied,

"It was a human, sir…"

The Council Hall replied with a buzz of dismayed whisper.

"A human?" the scientist repeated, his frown even deeper than before. "You _do_ realize, Orthopox, that cloning any being other than a Furon is illegal? Was it you who created the clone, or the warrior clone under your command?"

Pox's heart suddenly raced for a moment, as did his mind. Outside the room, Crypto gulped.

"I did." Pox then replied. "I cloned the human, sir…"

"_Why_?"

Pox hadn't thought that far ahead. He just sat there, staring at the back of his hands, trying to come up with an answer as the Council stared down at him. But he couldn't think of anything plausible.

"Never mind…" another Furon opposite of the first one to speak sighed. "You are allowed to continue your mission, but only because of the facts that you have already managed to successfully generate a Furon warrior clone with functional genitalia, and that you are the one most qualified in the scientific field. But not a single more mistake is permitted. If you _screw up_ again, you will be relieved of your rank and the mission. And if we learn of another false clone by your hand you will be prosecuted."

"You will be granted a new custom Mothership, built to the specifications you issued for the first one." another Council member spoke. "It will be complete in thirty days, and you are ordered to depart immediately after completion. Warrior clone Cryptosporidium is to accompany you as before. You are dismissed."

Pox slowly got up, still lightly shaking. His eyes showed his confusion and feelings of betrayal, and he looked at his Emperor, looking for any sign of compassion from the one he'd been so loyal to for centuries. But he found none.  
Feeling broken, Pox then slowly headed back up the landing, and left the room, joining Crypto in the hall outside of it.

"Geez, Pox…" Crypto silently spoke. "You okay…?"

"Let's just get out of here…" Pox replied.


	4. A Bar And A Bulge

A little later, Pox and Crypto were outside the complex again. They headed back towards the Scout Ship, with Pox being unusually silent.

"So what do we do now…?" Crypto asked him, wanting to break the silence.

"I'm going to go home…" Pox replied. "I suggest you do the same. We have to leave in thirty days, when the new Mothership is complete, so I'm going to make sure all we'll need is supplied. And until we leave, I think I'm going to distract myself for a bit… Maybe do some reading…"

"Okay… Guess I'm gonna be bored stiff until it's time to leave." Crypto sighed. "I can already feel some withdrawal symptoms from the lack of blowin' stuff up."

* * *

The two Furons then went their separate ways.

Crypto went to his own home, where, at first, he basically just hung around and watched television. However, he couldn't spend much time alone before all he could think about was Natalya. What would she be doing right now…? Would she be alright, and would she be missing him as much as he missed her? What would she do now that Crypto was gone…?

All the thinking and worrying Crypto did was starting to drive him crazy, so one evening he decided it was time to distract himself and got up off the couch, to head out and find something to do.  
As he left his apartment building and started to wander the streets of Gorta, it didn't take long before the warrior clone decided to go check out some of the metropolis' nightclubs.  
They had their own separate district, filled with moderate, big and huge dance and dating halls, each with their respective queues, and as Crypto walked past several of them he eventually picked a relatively unoccupied one and went inside.

It looked like a nice enough place, with dozens of Furon couples groovin' on the beats played on the dancefloor, and a swell enough lookin' bar that Crypto mozied over to.  
He sat down on a stool on one of the far ends of the bar so he could see properly into the rest of the nightclub behind it.  
He ordered a drink, and just sat there by himself for a while as he watched other Furons come and go on the laserlit dancefloor, and the place steadily growing crowdier.

An hour or so went by before Crypto noticed a Furon chick sitting halfway across the bar subtly eyeing him, and she twinkled a wave as she noticed him looking back.  
He returned her gesture with a small grin, to which she picked up her bag and got up.  
The girl disappeared in the crowd only to reappear from it a minute later, right behind Crypto, and sat down on a stool next to him.

"Hi, I'm Emphysema, Emphy for short." she immediately introduced herself with a smile. "Come here often…?"

"Name's Crypto. Nah, not really. I'm kinda on uh, shoreleave and I just got bored."

"Really? So you're in the Furon Navy?" Emphy asked. "What kind of mission are you on?"

"Actually, you're lookin' at one of the future saviors of the Furon race, dollface…" Crypto bragged with a grin. "Me and my Commander got sent off to this big blue planet called Earth where some ancient warriors had once cooled their heels after the Martian War. It's our job to collect the ancient pure Furon DNA that's still in the current inhabitants' genes so we can use it to restore our own. And between you and me, thanks to my Commander usin' me as a Furon guinea pig I've already been 're-armed', if you know what I'm sayin'…"

Emphy looked at him with an odd grin.

"Yeah right." she laughed. "You've got humor, I like that."

"Don't believe me, do ya…?" Crypto asked, not surprised. "Why don't you check for yourself?"

Crypto then gently grabbed her hand, and when he was sure Emphysema didn't make any objection he guided it to his lower body.

"Oh my god!" Emphysema let out rather loudly as she felt a very distinct bulge underneath Crypto's jeans, causing several other Furons to look her way.

Crypto then let go of her hand with a grin as she repeated,

"Oh my god…" only lower in volume.

"See…? I would never lie to such a pretty face."

"That is _so_ hot…!" Emphy whispered to him. "You're like, the first and only one in millenia, right?"

"Yeah, kinda…"

Emphysema then grabbed Crypto's wrist, suddenly very excited as she got up.

"Come home with me." she whispered lustfully as she held her face close to his. "I want to see it for real."

"Whoa, slow down, dollface, I uh, I'm kinda seein' someone already."

"Oh." the Furon girl then let out, clearly disappointed.

She sat back down on her stool, placing her bag back on her lap.

"I should have guessed." Emphy then said. "Why isn't she here? Doesn't she like clubbing?"

"Well, she ain't exactly from around here… And yeah, I doubt she would like it here, heh…"

"Where's she from, then?"

"Ah, you'll never have heard of the place." Crypto told her.

"Furon's not that big. Try me."

"Well, she's not originally _from_ Furon… She's from this town called Irkutsk…"

"What's her name?" Emphy then asked.

"Uh, it's Natalya…" Crypto timidly said.

Emphysema oddly frowned.

"What kind of a name is that? Is she even Furon at all?"

"Well, no… She's the hottest human I've come across in fifteen years."

" 'Human'?" Emphy repeated. "I've never heard of such a race. But what are you doing here while you've already got a girl…?"

"Hey, like I said, I was kinda bored…!" Crypto replied. "Can't a guy go clubbing without trying to find a date…? But don't get me wrong, dollface, it's really nice meeting you. Can I order you a drink or somethin'…?"

"No, thanks." Emphysema replied, clearly offended somehow. "I'd rather find a guy who's _not_ a xenophile."

She then upped and left, leaving Crypto to stare at her back in confusion as she marched away and disappeared into the crowd again.  
Chicks. Who can figure 'em…


	5. A Not So Quiet Day At The Library

Meanwhile, his mind on very different matters, Pox kept track of the progress of the Mothership under development, while already placing some orders for chemistry supplies and technical tools he also had on the previous ship.

He also spent an afternoon buying himself a new wardrobe, as he had rapidly gotten tired of the disapproving stares his fellow Furons gave him for his borrowed outfit. As before, his new clothes mostly consisted of his unique white Commander robes.  
After all that was done, Pox did his best to mentally place the mission and its troubles aside for a while, and decided on a topic to research for leisure. The topic of his choice was Arkvoodle.

Since he had realized Crypto had become the prophesized Sacred Son of Arkvoodle thanks to Pox's efforts, he had become quite interested in the subject, but had not yet had the ability to study it since all of the ancient texts were in the Imperial Library.  
But now that Pox was home again, and had some free time, it was the perfect chance for him to retreat amongst the books and immerse himself in ancient knowledge.

So Pox appeared at the Imperial Library one sunny morning, planning to spend most of the day there.  
As he approached the main desk, the librarian, an old Furon, smiled as he recognised him.

"Ah, Orthopox, old friend." he greeted Pox with a worn wobbly voice. "Long time no see. What can I do for you?"

"I would like to request access to the west wing." Pox told him.

"The west wing…?" the librarian repeated. "Why, no problem. Here to seek ancient wisdom, are you…?"

"Something like that…"

The old librarian groaned as he got off his chair.

"Follow me. I'll unlock the door for you."

The librarian then preceded Pox to the library's west wing, one of the oldest sections of the building. He unlocked its massive doors with a lock and key, which was very primitive for Furon standards.  
As the doors opened, they revealed a large darkish chamber with endless rows of wooden shelves, reaching to the ceiling nearly twenty feet up with old stepladders placed against them, and all lit by eternal fires burning purple in stone wells located systematically spread across the massive hall.  
An old, twenty foot long wooden table stood in the center of the room, which probably hadn't been visited for ages.

"Here we are." the librarian spoke. "Happy knowledge hunting, Orthopox. Oh, and uh, don't be alarmed if you hear any funny noises. These halls appear to be haunted but the spirits are benign."

"Thank you." Pox replied, and the librarian then left, leaving the massive doors ajar.

Pox then gazed up at the ginormous collection of ancient books.  
Brains, where should he start…?

* * *

Several hours passed, with Pox quietly looking for books, sitting and reading or writing. In spirit of the old ways, he had brought a pencil and a blank book, to write down all things of significance in. To most other Furons, spending your free afternoon this way might seem dull and boring, but Pox loved spending his time in the library, expanding his knowledge.

But the peaceful quiet wasn't meant to last.

Pox stood near the end of the chamber, observing the rows of books in front of him. He picked one that looked promising, and added it to the stack he was already holding in his hands.  
He turned around to head back to the table, but was startled to nearly bump into someone who had been standing behind him.  
His eyes widened as he recognized her.

"Princess Ecoli…!" he let out, a bit intimidated. What could she want from him…?!

"Hello, Orthopox." Ecoli spoke with a strange smile. "Why, aren't we the bookworm…?"

Pox just stared at her, nervously holding on to his books while waiting for her to make known what she was here for. He had a bit of a history with her, being cruelly taken advantage of by her when he had fallen in love with her long, long ago.

"Oh, you're not afraid of me now, are you…?" she then said. "Sorry about the whole War Council ordeal. They were pretty unhappy with you, weren't they? What are you researching…?"

Ecoli slowly ran a finger along the top book of the stack Pox was holding, moving it towards his chest.  
Pox nervously took a step back, away from her.

"O-oh, just some… light reading…" he replied, hardly daring to look her in the eyes.

"Well, those books look pretty heavy to me. Say, I heard you've managed to restore the genes of that warrior clone that's on your mission with you, granting him genitalia… And I was wondering, could you do the same thing for me…?"

Pox's nervousity only got worse now, not only because of the current topic but also because he knew Ecoli did not like to be told 'no'.

"E-eh, well, Ecoli, I-I…" he began, but not knowing how to continue.

"Yes…?" Ecoli spoke, taking a small step closer.

"I-I lost all of my research data when my Mothership was, you know… destroyed… A-and reconstituting it will take some time…"

Pox could see a frown already starting to form on Ecoli's brow.

"But I-I…" he quickly stammered. "I promise yours will be the first genes I will restore as soon as I get back to Earth…"

"Isn't there a faster way?" Ecoli asked, clearly not happy with the answer given. "You're supposed to be the expert, aren't you…? Can't you think of something?"

"I-I'm sorry, Ecoli, but-…" Pox began, but then took another step back as Ecoli neared again.

"Come on, Orthopox…" she cooed at him, batting her eyelids. "You're so clever. There must be some other way. For me…?"

"You don't understand, Ecoli, I can't-…"

But Pox started again when his back met the wall of the chamber, and Ecoli placed her hand against it to his left while the bookshelves were on his right, leaving him with no escape.

"Please, Poxy…" she whispered at him, getting closer. "What do I have to do to make you help me…?"

Ecoli then leaned in and kissed Pox's neck, soon letting her tongue run along it.  
Pox let out a small gasp and dropped his books in shock, but that only caused her to get even more close, pressing her body against his.

Pox was now nearly overwhelmed with fear, but didn't dare to push Ecoli away.

"Princess Ecoli, please stop…!" he pleaded, though silently, afraid to be heard by others in the library.

He would surely be blamed for this if someone saw them, but he couldn't let himself get sexually assaulted…!  
But Ecoli didn't stop, rather she moved her hands up the shirt of Pox's robe, running them along his bare back, and locked her lips onto his to silence him.

Pox froze in sheer terror as Ecoli forced her tongue past his lips, and clawed her fingers into the skin of his back while pressing him against herself, making aroused noises in the process.  
His panic now gaining the upper hand, Pox tried to break free of her grasp, but she didn't let go, causing them both to fall over to the floor.  
That was when her lust turned to anger.

Ecoli got on top of him and pinned a terrified Pox to the cold stone floor, furiously staring him down.

"You know I always get what I want, Orthopox." she hissed. "You're going to give me what I want, or you're going to regret it."

Then, one of the large doors of the ancient hall creaked, causing Ecoli to look up, startled.  
It had just been a draft, and Pox seized his chance and pushed the distracted female assailant off him, immediately got up, and made a run for it.

Ecoli quickly sat up again and saw her victim run away, her mind racing.

"HELP! I'M BEING ASSAULTED!" she immediately screamed, making sure to be heard beyond the doors.

By the time Pox had reached the other side of the chamber and janked open the massive doors, two security guards were already standing there.  
They immediately seized him by the arms, to prevent the already panting Pox from getting away.  
The librarian then also arrived at the commotion, and was surprised to see it was Orthopox that was about to be arrested.

"What is going on here?" the old Furon asked.

"This Furon has assaulted princess Ecoli, sir." one of the guards told him.

The librarian looked at Pox for a moment, whom looked quite bewildered and scared himself, but did not say anything.

"I seriously doubt that." the librarian huffed. "Where is the princess?"

The guards then headed into the west wing chamber, dragging Pox with them and with the librarian following them.  
They went over to Ecoli, who was still sitting on the floor, crying fake tears.

"Is this the Furon that assaulted you, princess?" a guard asked her.

"Y-yes." she sobbed. "Arrest him…!"

But the situation made an odd twist as an old Furon lady appeared from amidst the books. She was cleary a spirit, transparent and everything, glowing a faint blue. She glided over to the perplexed group, and floated in front of them as she crossed her arms.

"Hold on now, gentlemen." the old spirit chirped. "This young lady is lying. It was _she_ who assaulted _him_. This fine fellow was just browsing books, keeping quiet and minding his own business, when this hussy comes barging in and starts intimidating him. When she didn't get her way she started to force herself onto him, scaring the living daylights out of the poor boy. When he managed to escape she cried blue murder. But he is innocent, I swear on my very grave."

Ecoli looked furious, entirely forgetting her victim façade.

"Do you _know_ who I _am_?" she spat at the spirit.

"A lowly hussy and a spoilt brat, I would say." the dead old lady huffed.

The two guards confusedly looked at the librarian, whom looked unfazed.

"Spirits don't lie." he shrugged.

The guards then let go of Pox and grabbed Ecoli by the arms instead, dragging her to her feet.

"What are you doing, you imbiciles?! Let me go!" she barked, but to no avail.

The guards dragged her off to the entrance of the halls, the librarian trailing behind them.

"I'll get you for this, Orthopox!" Ecoli screamed as she was dragged out through the doors. "You pathetic excuse for a Furon Commander!"

She was then taken out of the halls by the guards, leaving Pox by himself with the spirit lady.  
He timidly looked at her, still barely understanding what had all just happened.

"E-eh… T-thank you…" Pox managed to say quietly.

"That's alright, sonny." the old lady smiled at him. "May Arkvoodle bless you."

The old spirit lady then floated back towards the ancient books, and disappeared.


	6. At Crypto's

About an hour later, Pox had traded the library for a park in a quiet part of Gorta City, and was sitting on a bench underneath a large tree there.

He had left the Imperial Library not long after the incident, not expecting himself to be able to concentrate anymore.  
He just lonesomely sat there, staring at the pond in the middle of the park as the events in the ancient halls haunted his mind.  
He felt so violated, dirty and betrayed… Was this the Council's way of thanking him…?

Pox felt his emotions starting to spiral up in his throat, and he picked up his notebook to take a look in it, in hopes of distracting himself of his dreadful thoughts.  
He skipped the pages to where his notes on Arkvoodle began, and started to read.

His eyes did glide over the words, but Pox wasn't really paying attention to them.  
All he saw was Ecoli assaulting him… All he heard was Ecoli threatening him…  
All he felt were her nails, her tongue, and the shame…

A tear then fell down on the left exposed page of Pox's notebook, but he didn't even notice.

* * *

"Geez, Pox. You look like you've just seen a ghost or somethin'."

Pox looked up, a bit startled, and saw Crypto standing in front of him.

"Oh, hello Crypto…" Pox timidly greeted him. "What are you doing here…?"

"Eh, just wanderin' around town. What are _you_ doin' here?"

"Just… reading…"

Crypto then sat next to Pox on the bench, and crossed his legs.

"Did something happen to you…?" he asked his mentor.

"No…" Pox lied. "Why do you ask…?"

"C'mon Pox, I'm not stupid. I could sense your gloom and doom half a mile away."

"Well, it's nothing…" Pox then sort of gave in.

But Crypto kept looking him in the eyes, trying to draw the truth out of him with his silent staredown.

"I'm not telling you." Pox told him, averting his eyes back to his notebook, trying to hide his feelings of shame.

"Fine, don't." Crypto shrugged. "You know I always find out eventually."

But Crypto could immediately sense a pulse of shame and sadness emanating from Pox in response to his statement, and he immediately regretted saying it.

"Hey, Crypto!" a passing-by Furon on a fixie bike then suddenly exclaimed, and abruptly stopped in front of the warrior clone and his Commander.

"Tuberculosis." Crypto greeted back, not really in the mood for talking to vague friends.

"Long time no see, man!" Tube let out, dropping his bike, strolling over to Crypto and jovially slapping his shoulder. "Where you been?"

"Navy stuff." Crypto replied. "I'm just here for a few weeks."

"Ah, right. Why is your girlfriend wearin' her pajamas?"

"_**Girlfriend?!**_" Pox furiously repeated.

"Oh, that reminds me, Crypto." Tube began. "My sister Rubella is throwing this huge bash the second of November. Loads of chicks! You'll be there, right?"

"Can't." Crypto told him. "I'll be gone on another mission by then."

"Aah, bummer. Anyways, I gottta roll. Got this high priority package to deliver. Nice talkin' to ya, man. Later!"

And with that, Tube hopped back on his bike and was gone in a heartbeat.

"Uh, look, Pox…" Crypto then sighed. "Why don't you come over for dinner at my place, huh? Just to get your mind off things, waddaya say? I make a mean fusilli…"

"I don't know, Crypto…" Pox mumbled.

"Come on…" Crypto begged. "I still owe you one for givin' me my package. Just mosey along home with me, and I'll do the rest. They're airin' 'Mars Attacks!' tonight, ya know."

"I despise that film. But fine… I'll accept…"

So as Pox promised, he let himself be dragged along back to Crypto's place, where the warrior clone generously prepared dinner as Pox sat and waited patiently, whilst they chatted for a bit. Crypto hadn't been lying, he indeed was not a bad cook at all.  
As they enjoyed the meal, Crypto tried several more times to find out what had happened to his mentor earlier, as it was clearly still affecting him, but Pox wasn't letting anything out.

After finishing dinner, they crashed on the couch and watched some television, which, somewhat to Pox's dread, was flipped to the 'Mars Attacks!' movie. But he didn't complain, as not to ruin the genial mood.  
Crypto was also very aware of the pleasant, easy mood of the evening, and was a bit surprised to see Pox was even somewhat acting on it, casually sitting on the couch with his legs drawn towards him and his head resting on his arm leaning on the couch's armrest as he dully stared at the B-ish-movie. His usual care for manners and formality seemed to have been placed aside for a while, traded for a more loose-fit attitude.

And Crypto couldn't be more satisfied, as it clearly indicated Pox had relaxed somewhat. He enjoyed times like this, when he could just hang around with Pox, as a friend instead of a commander, and sometimes evenings like this did occur on the Mothership, but not as often as Crypto would like. As far as friends went, Pox was probably the only one Crypto really had. Being a warrior clone, it was virtually impossible for him to maintain proper friendships while he was lightyears away from them for decades at a time…  
But nearly all missions he'd been on were under Pox's command. Fate seemed to have teamed them up, as the two of them always seemed to be sent off to missions that could be handled by a single commander and warrior, and they, of course, fit that bill.

Crypto had known Pox for ages, and the both of them knew eachother through and through. Yet Pox, being much older than Crypto, did have some things from his past he did not like to talk about, which of course only made Crypto more eager to find out what they were.  
But over the years Crypto had learned when to let it rest, or get his ass kicked.

Despite that, and despite the inevitable differences between them, Pox and Crypto were really inseparable. Their mental connection was about as sophisticated as they got among Furons, and they both greatly respected eachother for their personal skills (although both of them were not likely to admit it). When not in a quarrel, they could work together seamlessly, and their ways of telepathic communication had developed into an almost intimate-…

Whoa. Let's just stop right there.

Crypto glanced at Pox again for a moment, whom to his relief did not seem aware of Crypto's self-analytical thoughts. Instead, he seemed to slowly be sailing off to sleep, the silly movie on the television not holding his attention.  
While it had just gotten to the good part where the martians' heads exploded. Heh, Crypto could never get tired of this flick. Too bad the martians in it looked nothing like the Blisk, the real Martians.  
A few minutes later, the credits started to roll, and Crypto noticed Pox had finally dozed off. The warrior clone then silently stood up, and sneaked over to him.

Next to Pox, on the ground, lay a small grey cotton fabric shoulderbag he'd been carrying around, and Crypto kneeled next to it, and rummaged around in it.  
All that was inside were a pen and a hardcover notebook, so Crypto took a look at his mentor's writings, in hopes of finding out something about what happened to him last afternoon.

He skipped past all kinds of sciencey stuff, hastily scribbled graphs and formulas, and a separate section on Arkvoodley religious subjects. No hints to anything interesting.  
Crypto carefully placed everything back the way he found it, and silently sat back down, grabbing the remote control of the television.  
After turning down the volume for a bit, he flipped through the channels, and eventually stopped as he recognized the evening news bulletin's intro clip.

He jawned for a moment as a few boring reports were shown, and was about to zap away when the political news was announced.  
But he paused as a foxy press picture of Ecoli was shown. Rawr.

"Princess Ecoli, the only daughter of Emperor Meningitis, was arrested today at the Imperial Library." the Furon newscaster spoke. "She is suspected of sexually assaulting and threatening a Furon whose identity remains unknown in the Library's dark and abandoned west wing, and though prosecution is normally out of the question, overwhelming evidence and several witnesses force the D.A. to press the charges."

Security camera footage was then presented, showing a Furon holding a stack of old books with one arm as he browsed for more, with Ecoli silently approaching him.  
Crypto squinted at the scene. …Was that-…?

"It has not been revealed what princess Ecoli wanted from her victim. She is currently still being questioned." the newscaster added as the footage played on.

The images then showed the Furon turning around and being startled by Ecoli's sudden presence, and Crypto's eyes widened in surprise as he recognized him as his very own commander.  
He quickly glanced back over at Pox, who was luckily still sleeping.  
Crypto looked at the television again, and everything that had happened to Pox was shown to him.

It was clear to see Pox was intimidated by her, and Crypto was nearly as shocked as Pox was at the time as Ecoli leaned in and sensually kissed his neck, making him drop his books, and then pressing herself against him while roughly kissing his lips.

Crypto watched them tumble over as Pox tried to escape, and Ecoli not taking kindly to it.  
Pox eventually managed to run out of view, and the footage was cut.

"Ecoli falsely cried for help as her victim escaped, but as the library guards caught him they did not trust the situation." the newscaster continued. "An unknown witness was heard, and Ecoli arrested. Subsequent viewing of the security camera footage we've just shown you confirmed her crimes, and she will be prosecuted accordingly. We could not establish who it was she violated, but the emblems carried by him suggest he is a high-ranking Furon Navy officer, possibly even a Commander, but the images' poor quality prevent an accurate identification of his rank. Further developments will be reported tomorrow morning."

The news program then went on to other items, and Crypto switched off the television.

Holy crap. So _that's_ what's been getting to old Poxy so bad.  
Crypto looked at his mentor again, still asleep, and suddenly felt sorry for him.  
He knew Ecoli was also a member of the War Council. Bastards. Hadn't they humiliated Pox enough already?

Crypto got up, and headed towards his bedroom.  
A minute later, he returned carrying a blanket, and quietly headed over to Pox, placing it over his legs and waist.  
The warrior clone then left him to sleep on the couch as he did the dishes that were still waiting to be cleaned.

* * *

A few hours later, Pox slowly awoke from his sleep, being greeted by the subtle scents and smells of breakfast.  
Crypto, rummaging around in the kitchen, soon noticed his mentor was awake.

"Mornin' Poxy." he spoke as Pox stretched his arms with a jawn.

"Good morning…" Pox responded as he stood up and went towards the kitchen table. "Making breakfast already…?"

"Yeah, why not…? Toast or cereal?"

Though Crypto didn't wait for a reply and psychokinetically tossed a slice of toast on the plate in front of Pox as he sat down.  
Pox poured himself a cup of coffee and warmed his hands on the steaming mug while his eyes were still begging him to be shut for a while longer.

"I'm sorry I dozed off…" he told the warrior clone who now sat opposite of him. "I had a rather… bad day yesterday…"

"Yeah, uh… About that…" Crypto uneasily began. "It's been on the news."

Pox stared at him for a moment.

"If that's some sort of joke you're-…"

"No, no, Poxy. I'm serious… They don't know it was you though… They had security footage and everything, but they couldn't identify you."

Pox just sat there, staring in shock at Crypto as he continued,

"I saw what happened to you in the library, Pox. The images were pretty crappy but I could still see it was you." Crypto was clearly uncomfortable about the subject, and he slightly lowered his voice some more. "Dammit, Pox… She can't do this to you… Have you reported this yet…?!"

"No, of course not…" Pox replied, practically whispering as his emotions rose up again. "They'll cover this up somehow. Ecoli always gets her way…"

"Pox, there's evidence…! Witnesses…! You have to set this right or they'll pin it on you if you're not careful…!"

"They won't… They'll simply deny everything… Crypto, Ecoli has so many rumoured scandals about her that no one cares about them anymore."

"But Pox, she's in the freakin' War Council…! They've already treated you like crap in the Council Hall, and now you're gonna let them humiliate you outside of it too…?!"

"I have no choice." Pox sighed. "If I publicly accuse Ecoli of what she's done the War Council will surely relieve me of my mission, and probably my rank."

Crypto was clearly pissed off at the situation, slightly clenching his fists at he ignored his breakfast waiting in front of him.

"Freakin' bastards…" he growled. "Why did Ecoli assault you, man…?! What did she want?"

"The same thing I gave you…" Pox said. "Her genetic code restored, reproductive organs…"

"I shoulda guessed that…" Crypto annoyedly replied. "And the pampered bitch got angry when she heard she couldn't get those right away, right?"

"Exactly…" Pox sighed.

"So you're not going to do anything…? What if she comes after you again after they let her go?"

"She won't… Not unless she's willing to travel four lightyears for it. We'll be returning to Earth tomorrow, the new Mothership should be ready by now."

"Whoa. Really?"

"Yes." Pox had a faint smile on his lips. "So I suggest you gather up everything you'll need, and we'll be off to destroy all humans once more."


	7. Retoin Ta Oith

So, the next day, Pox and Crypto headed for their new Mothership in a packed Scout Ship. After Pox prepared everything for departure, and after recieving the neccessary clearances, the brand new Mothership left the Furon Homeworld, the Proxima Centauri system, and then set course to SOL-3, Earth.  
The journey would again take about four days, which passed quietly as Pox and Crypto tried to settle themselves in their new home again, after giving all of their belongings their appropriate place.

Pox could tell Crypto was a bit anxious to return to Earth. He longed to blow stuff up, to destroy some humans, to cause some mayhem, but mostly, he longed for Natalya.  
Pox noticed Crypto thought of her quite often, but he'd hardly spoken about her to his mentor. Probably because he was a bit embarrassed of his feelings, Pox thought. But he feared odds were slim of Crypto ever finding her again, Earth being a large, and dangerous place, and he hoped Crypto wouldn't linger on his lovesick feelings too long, for it might affect his duties. Then again, if Crypto did find Natalya again, _that_ might _also_ affect his duties. Oh well.

Once the two Furons had returned to planet Earth, it didn't take long for them to get back to business again. They did not bother to influence the American government that much just yet, their main priority was to harvest brainstems and extract their precious Furon DNA.  
All was going quite smoothly. That is, until one day.

* * *

Several Earth months had passed, and it had not taken long for Crypto to feel right at home again. As one morning, he awoke to a nagging headache.  
With churning guts and eyes like those of a geriatric grey turtle, he sat up and stared around the Mothership's bedrooms, waiting for his vision to focus and his brain to reboot.  
Had he been somewhere last night? Must've been one hell of a party, since he couldn't remember it. What a hangover…

Finally seeing straight, the warrior clone saw an alarm clock telling him it was currently 9 AM, and the unmade bed next to it could only mean Pox had been sleeping too and had only very recently gotten up.  
Good. Maybe that meant breakfast was waiting.

Down in the living quarters, Pox was indeed sitting around the kitchen, having treated himself to a modest stack of pancakes. He'd had plenty after no more than three, and left the rest for Crypto while he sipped a mug of coffee and read an Earth science magazine.  
He looked up over the paper when Crypto appeared, dragging himself into the kitchen, and planting himself onto a chair at the table, opposite of his mentor.

"Goodmorning, Crypto." Pox greeted him.

Crypto merely let out an ungracious growl as he psychokinetically slided the tempting stack of pancakes over to himself and took off the plate that covered them.  
Pox directed his gaze back to the pointless monkey writings in front of him to avoid seeing the warrior clone devour the pancakes like a starved dog.

"Dwis ish dewishus, Pwox." Crypto told him as he scarfed down the freshly made dish, not even bothering to add any syrup or anything.

"Hnn." Pox hummed in reply, not lifting his gaze from the articles that didn't really interest him.

It didn't take long for the warrior clone to finish the pancakes, and when he had, he proceeded to pour himself a cup of coffee to wash 'em down with.

"Num num. So." he began. "What were you doin', sleeping?"

"Just to reset my mind…" Pox replied, finally closing the magazine and placing it on the table. "But there's just the strangest thing lately. Every time I sleep, I keep having the same dream…"

"Yeah…?" Crypto responded as he sat the coffeepot back down on the table.

"I'm back in my thirteenth clone cycle, in the middle of a field, sitting in the grass without my cerebral chair, utterly helpless as a tractor-like machine with giant red lobster-claw-like _things_ is headed my way." Pox said. "I try to flee but obviously can't, and just as I'm sure I'm going to be killed, this long-haired human girl appears, riding a donkey, and she swoops past, whisking me away and saving me. What could it all mean…?"

"It means you're insane. Pass the sugar…?"

"Why the lobster claws…?" Pox sighed as he pushed the sugar pot over to Crypto. "Why the _donkey_?"

"I'll tell ya what I dreamt about." Crypto remarked as he stirred his coffee. "Olga Korbut. She was wearin' a soaking wet leotard, holdin' a handful of candy bars in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. But no matter how fast I jetpacked towards her, I just couldn't reach her. It was torture."

"I want a lab assistant." Pox prompted.

Crypto paused, staring at his mentor over the rim of his coffeemug. He then lowered it and frowned.

"A lab assistant…?"

"Yes."

"How the hell am I gonna fit that in between the probin' and my recreational lovemakin'…?!"

"Not _**you**_." Pox barked. "A _**female**_ lab assistant."

"Oh." Crypto let out. "Well, good luck with that. What're you gonna do, send a want-ad to the Homeworld?"

"Actually, I thought I might be able to find one here on Earth…"

"Really…? So you wanna abduct a science chica…?"

"No." Pox replied. "I don't want any backtalk, so I need a nubile, docile, impressionable young human that won't be missed. Preferably a size C, and hourglass."

"You sly dog." Crypto grinned at him. "You're finally comin' around!"

"Anyway, there's no time for that now…" Pox sighed. "Our first and foremost objective is to gather brainstems. Perhaps some day when we're well ahead of schedule, I may try to find a worthy candidate."

"I've been lookin' for some company of my own." Crypto mentioned. "I kinda felt lonely soon after we got back to the Homeworld so I checked out a few dating sites and stuff, ya know, just in case I can't find Natalya or anything. There was this one Furon chica that definately seemed my type, but she mentioned a few weird things in her profile. One of her hobbies was 'worshipping Arkvoodle'. D'ya think that may be some kinda euphemism…?"

Pox let out an irritated sigh.

"Honestly, Crypto, you have a one. Track. Mind." he growled. "Have you forgotten you are the **only** Furon with genitalia as of yet? Plus, Arkvoodle's popularity might currently be quite low amongst our species, but he's not **entirely** been forgotten. When a Furon girl says she worships Arkvoodle, she _worships Arkvoodle_, and not whatever sick thing your perverted brain might make of it."

"Alright, yeez." Crypto let out. "Yeah, I guess I sorta forgot I'm still the only one who's been fitted a package, heh. Otherwise, I'd have loved to 'worship Arkvoodle' with 'er." he then air-quoted with a grin.

Pox gave him another glare -a mix of irkedness and envy- before crankily taking a sip of coffee.

"What about you, anyway?" Crypto then asked. "You've had girlfriends of your own, right?"

"E-eh, oh yes, definately." Pox stuttered. "Hordes."

"Yeah? So tell me! D'ya manage to procure one before… ya know, losin' yer tool? How many chick have you dated? Did you swipe any lingerie?"

"What?" Pox asked in confusion.

"C'mon, Poxilicious, spill the beans!" Crypto eagerly begged. "Where did you get your first kiss? Did you stalk any of 'em? Did you ever get chased out of their bedrooms by their mother?"

"Well… Which question do you want me to answer first…?"

"I'll make it easy for ya." Crypto said. "What was the name of your first date?"

"W-well…" Pox stammered. "I-I, err…"

Pox sat there thinking long, hard and nervously while Crypto blankly stared at him.

"There are no hordes of chicks, are there…?" he dryly concluded.

"No." Pox pouted.

"So you've been around for all those millenia and you're still a virgin?"

"_**Enough!**_" the embarrassed Commander then barked, pink on his cheeks. "We have a mission for today to focus on, Crypto! I want you to go down to Earth and check out a gathering of Soviet scientists in eastern Russia."

"I don't wanna, I've got a killer headache…" Crypto complained.

"Shut up. You can sleep it off later. I want those Soviet brains. They should be rich and teeming with delicious nutritious Furon DNA."

* * *

So not much later, the hung-over warrior clone had little other choice than to board the Scout Ship and head over to Earth. Pox sat in his labs, guiding Crypto as he zoomed down to the planet below.  
Crypto lazily let his eyes rest for a moment as the saucer hurtled through Earth's upper atmosphere. When he was done nabbin' those brains he was definately takin' another nap…

"Just follow the mark I've placed on your radar as usual." Pox told him telepathically. "And pay attention as you make your way there. Be on the lookout for surface-to-air missiles."

"Yeah, yeah…" Crypto yawned.

"I'm serious, Crypto." Pox warned him. "I've planned your route via the West due to a storm to the East. However, the West approach is littered with military bases and-…"

"I've been doin' this routine for over fifteen years, Pox." Crypto interrupted him. "I don't need a freakin' babysitter. And besides, the name of the game is '**Destroy** All Humans!', not '**Avoid** All Humans!'." Now be quiet, will ya, you're not helpin' my headache."

"Watch your attitude, Crypto! Your bloody usual hangover is your own bloody fault!"

"Yeah, well, it's not my fault _you_ have no social life…! Then at least you would've been able to relate."

"I very well _have_ a social life, and you know it!"

"Yeah, but talkin' to _yourself_ doesn't count, Pox!"

As the two Furons bickered on, both were oblivious to the fact Crypto visibly passed over a Russian army base. They were unaware of the fact the Scout Ship had been noticed by the humans. Until a barrage of missiles hammered the saucer.

"Dammit, what the hell was that?!" Crypto exclaimed, nearly being thrown off the pilot's seat.

"Brains, Crypto!" Pox barked. "I _**told**_ you to pay attention!"

"Well, I didn't hear _**you**_ warnin' me of a lock-on…!" Crypto bit back as he frantically tried to swerve clear of another swarm of rockets.

"Yes, well, eh-… I have many other things to pay attention to!"

"_Whatever!_ The ship's not responding properly, Pox! What's the deal?! I got all these lights blinkin' on the dash!"

Pox quickly checked the Scout Ship's data feed on his viewscreens.

"Brains, the starboard engine is critically damaged." he told Crypto. "It's virtually incapacitated!"

"Alright, I'll just increase power to the left one." Crypto replied.

"No! That'll send you into an uncontrollable spiral! Decrease your speed and try to get back up the atmosphere, the mission is hereby aborted!"

"I can't, I'm losin' altitude, no matter what I try."

"Crypto-…"

"I'm goin' down, Pox, and I'm goin' fast…!"

Pox witnessed the saucer's altimeter on his viewscreens dropping like a lead weight, zero mere seconds away.

"_Try anything, Crypto!_" he anxiously cried out. "_Don't you dare crash!_"

But right at that moment, the meter reached zero and every single warning light started blinking and beeping, Pox's eyes widely staring at them in disbelief.


	8. No Freakin' Way

Crypto groaned as he slowly came to.

He moved his eyelids with effort, his retinas soon being stinged by light.  
Everything was white. So white… And cold. Was he dead?  
Nah. Being dead wouldn't hurt like a bitch.

As he shifted his limbs, Crypto soon realized he was lying on his chest in a deep heap of snow. As he squinted his sore eyes at his left forearm, he noticed small shards of purple glass stuck in it, and trails of red blood rippling over the white fabic of his uniform.  
He strained himself to turn to his back, and when he had, he could see his beloved Scout Ship a few feet away, slammed into the snow and soil at least three feet, both engines aflame and the glass dome partially shattered where Crypto had gone right through it.

The warrior clone's brain seemed to hammer the inside of his skull, and every muscle in his body ached as he stared at the downed craft, wondering how the hell he had survived and why Pox wasn't yet yelling at him.  
Then, something appeared in the corner of his vision.

Crypto immediately shifted his view towards the movement but he was instantly blinded by the bright snow and sunlight.  
He groaned angrily and had no choice but to tightly shut his eyes, frantically trying to find a solid surface with his hands and arms to be able to stand up.

"Don't come any closer, monkey, or I'll rip your freakin' head off…!" he growled threateningly as he flailed blindly in the snow like an idiot.

"Crypto…?" a familiar voice then sounded, with the figure slowly coming closer.

Crypto froze his pointless search for solid ground and squinted at the owner of the voice, which was like music to his ears.  
His eyes stinged in protest, and his head clobbered him in rage, but Crypto forced himself to see if it could really be true.  
As his eyes slowly adjusted, it was like a golden haired angel stood before him, the sun creating a radiant halo around her head.  
Maybe he was dead after all. 'Cause this was just too good to be true.

"Natalya…?" he let out hoarsely, as the human finally stopped near him.

A cloud then drifted in front of the low winter sun, and mercy was finally granted to Crypto's eyes. He could then see it was indeed none other than Natalya, looking at down at him a little worried, yet also seemingly a little amused.

"Natalya…!" Crypto said again, not believing his big black orbs.

"What are you doing here, clumsy?" Natalya asked him with a smile.

She then extended a hand and helped Crypto up.  
Crypto immediately leaned in to kiss her, but Natalya hesitantly turned away.

"W-what's-, what's wrong, dollface…?" Crypto asked desperately, clinging to her like a puppy. "Aren't you glad to see me…?"

"Of course I am, comrade." Natalya replied. "It's just-…"

"Lapushka? Have you found something?" another voice then sounded from a few yards away.

Both Crypto and Natalya turned to see a male human appear from amongst the birch trees. And again, Crypto was surprised. Albeit not pleasantly.

"Oh, hell, no…" he muttered under his breath.

"Sergei, over here." Natalya waved at her comrade, yet he had already spotted them and headed their way.

Crypto could then see it was indeed agent Sergei, seemingly alive, healthy and fine. He went to stand with the warrior clone and Natalya, and crossed him arms.

"Well, well. We meet again, chuzhoy." he greeted Crypto.

"Sergei." Crypto sneered. "Weren't you, like, dead?"

"Da, sort of. But I'm okay now." Sergei replied. "You, on the other hand, are looking a little worse for wear. And so does your ship. You are seeming quite prone to these little accidents."

"Yeah, well, I'm fine." Crypto growled. "What are you two doin' here in the middle of nowhere?"

"That's kind of a long story, Crypto." Natalya told him. "We should head inside our cabin where it's warm. There, I can tend to your wounds and explain everything. We are in luck you did not crash into it."

Crypto then looked behind him in confusion, and saw an old log cabin a mere ten yards or so away. It had indeed been a close call. Had the Scout Ship been a little bigger or going a little faster, it'd have completely destroyed the cabin and probably its occupants.

So, a few minutes later, Crypto sat on the rim of a bed in the cabin, a warm fire burning nearby. Natalya had retrieved a medical kit and was now carefully picking the shards of glass out of his arms with a pair of tweezers.  
Crypto didn't even feel a thing as she wrenched the sharp splinters out of his flesh. He was too mesmerized by her scent. Her eyes. Her golden hair as it played with the firelight.  
Her hair had grown a little longer in the past few months, and she let it hang sleekly over her shoulders.

"You are lucky the deep snow broke your fall." Natalya began, her voice snapping Crypto to attention. "Anyway, as you can see, I have found Sergei again. When I had left the building you dropped me off at to trade it for a safehouse not far away, I met him there. He had somehow survived the spore infection, and was also underway to find a place to hide from our former colleagues, the KGB. We decided that this old cabin, which has been Sergei's for ages, would be perfect. It's very remote, even for Russian standards, and we decided to try and spend the rest of our lives here, and hope we will not be found."

"But… what about me, Nat…?" Crypto asked.

"I'm sorry, tovarisch, but you told me to move on." Natalya replied. "I did not expect to ever see you again. And, no offense… But I have known Sergei for longer than I've known you."

"Natalya has told me all that has happened." Sergei then said, getting up from poking at the fireplace. "How you helped save our Motherland. And it was very noble of you to bring our precious Natalya back to life. Even if it was for selfish reasons."

"How the hell did you survive being a mutant monkey?" Crypto asked Sergei. "I've never seen any of 'em cure _themselves_."

"It happened by chance." Sergei explained. "As a mutant, I had fed on a human corpse, and consumed its rotting brains. The decaying matter upset my system and gave me a horrid case of diarrhea, which cleared the spore infection and restored me to my former self."

"Ew."

"Da. I had been fortunate. And even more fortunate to be reunited with my krolishka Natalya."

'Crypto…?' Pox's voice then suddenly sounded in the warrior clone's mind. 'Crypto, can you hear me…?'

Crypto growled to himself. Here we go…

'I heard that.' Pox humphed. 'What was that you said about not needing a babysitter…?'

"Shut up." Crypto replied irritatedly.

"Excuse me, comrade…?" Sergei prompted, crossing his arms.

"I'm not talkin' to **you**, you bastard…!" Crypto told him. "Ah, hold on… I gotta go outside for a minute…"

Crypto then marched off and left the small cabin through its only door, leaving his two human hosts to look at eachother in confusion.

"I think your comrade may have hit his head a little hard during his crash." Sergei remarked to Natalya.

* * *

Crypto now stood outside in the snow and wrapped his arms around himself, watching his breath condensate in the fridgid Siberian air.

'Awright, make it quick, I'm already freezin' my nads off.' he told Pox. 'And go easy on the smart-ass comments.'

'You expect me _not_ to berate you for yet _another_ crashing of one of my expensive ships….?!' Pox replied.

'Sure I do. I'd be worried about you if you didn't yell at me as freakin' usual. I'm just tellin' ya to save it for later, okay? You're never gonna guess whom I almost squished with the saucer.'

'I don't care who you're squishing or not.' Pox told him. 'All I want to know is whether the Scout Ship is still in one piece.'

'Yeah, uh…' Crypto then glanced at the ruined saucer. 'Kinda.'

'Good. Can you get inside?'

'I guess.'

'Then head over to it and try to find my HoloPox unit.' Pox said. 'If that's survived the crash, I'll be able to use it to remotely fix the Scout Ship.'

'Fine.'

Crypto then trudged over to the saucer in the deep snow, and hoisted himself up and in through the hole in the glass dome.  
Once inside the angled ship, he searched around the cockpit's glass pieces, debris and other crap until he finally came upon a holopod.  
As he picked it up, it seemed to be okay, so Crypto switched it on and tossed it out the saucer.

It landed neatly, right side up as it floated on its three rotating arms, and a second later, Pox's hologram appeared.  
Crypto had climbed back out the ship and intended to nimbly hop to the ground, yet instead, he slipped mid jump and landed face-first in the snow.

"Get up, you idiot." Pox barked at him through his holographic form. "The ship looks repairable, by first glance. With this HoloPox unit, it's probably going to take me a few days, though."

"Can't you come pick me up…?" Crypto whined as he dusted the snow off himself after getting up. "You're never going to believe who're in that cabin over there… Nat, and _Sergei._ Smug bastard. I'm not going to sit and deal with _them_ being _together_ again for several freakin' days in this frozen wasteland!"

"Consider that your punishment for ruining the Scout Ship…!" Pox told him. "You should be grateful I'm repairing the ship for you while I should just leave you down there to meet your frosty doom for your incompetence!"

"You'd never do that. You're all bark and no bite, Poxy."

"Whatever." Pox huffed. "Just go get your moronic self into that cabin where it's warm and let me fix the ship. I'll keep you informed of my progress and I might need your help from time to time."

"Fine." Crypto growled.

And with that the warrior clone plodded back through the snow, to the cabin, leaving the hologram of his mentor to tend to the Scout Ship.  
He hurried inside and shut the door behind him, glad to be in a warm space again.

"Welcome back." Natalya said as Crypto quickly went over to the fire to warm himself up. "What were you doing out there, tovarisch?"

"Oh, uh, just talkin' to Pox." Crypto replied as he held his hands to the radiant heat of the flames.

" 'Pox'…?" Sergei repeated. "Is that your alien god?"

"Nah, he just thinks he is. I'm gonna be stuck here for a few days while he fixes the saucer. I hope you don't mind and stuff…"

"Of course not, comrade." Natalya assured Crypto, sitting down on a sofa near the fireplace, with Sergei sitting down beside her. "You are welcome to stay for as long as needed."

"So for how long have you two been hidin' out here? Where do you get food?" Crypto asked as he sat down on the floor in front of the fire, his legs crossed Indian style.

"We've only been here for about a month." Natalya told him. "We came well prepared with a large supply of various dried foods, and Sergei hunts every now and then. In spring and summer, we'll be able to grow our own vegetables here which we'll also store for winter."

"Aren't you scared you'll be found by the KGB?"

"Da, I am a little…" Natalya sighed. "There have not been as many changes as I had hoped in our country. Premier Milenkov may be gone but there are still many authorities wanting to make us pay for it."

"Don't worry, lapushka-moya." Sergei told her, placing his hand on hers. "Nothing can stop us, not now. I love you. They're not gonna get us."

Crypto glared at Sergei in anger. Just look at that smug bastard. He finally did it. He finally stole Nat from him.


	9. Aw, Crap

The trio continued to talk, catching up on the past few months as the gentle fire kept them warm.

After a few hours, the early North Siberian darkness began to set in and Natalya and Sergei told Crypto it was time for the three of them to get some sleep in order to save on the lamp oil.  
To Crypto's monumental anger and jealousy, Nat and Sergei crawled in the cabin's old wooden cot together while he was banished to the worn-down couch with an old, stale blanket.

Crypto lay several feet away from them, but he could hear Sergei whispering to Natalya in the darkness, passionately reciting Pushkin poems to her.  
The warrior clone tried his very best not to listen, but it was impossible. The only other sound to be heard was the occasional snap of the burning wood in the fireplace.  
He got angrier and angrier, but thank Arkvoodle, the couple eventually fell asleep.  
Crypto didn't sleep, though. He just lay there on the lumpy couch, simmering in his envy and resentment of Sergei.

'This is the voice of your conscience.' was suddenly heard in his mind. 'I'm telling you, forget about the girl. Those Russian chicks are nothing but trouble anyway…'

'Leave me alone, Pox.' Crypto growled back, miserably pulling his covers over his head.

'Remember, Crypto. Love is like eating pancakes." Pox warned him. 'First it makes you happy, but eventually you'll just get constipated.'

'Easy for you to say. You're not lyin' down here with the chick of all your 138 lives sleepin' in a bed with some other guy.' Crypto complained. 'Every minute shared is never mine. Frozen in this fog and hidin' every-…'

'Oh, stop your whining.' Pox interrupted his song quotation. 'I just wanted to tell you the repairs might be done a little sooner than I initially suspected. Try to put up with Sergei until the day after tomorrow. Then the ship should be in a well enough condition for you to reach the Mothership.'

'Gee, thanks.' Crypto growled. 'I can't guarantee I haven't killed the bastard by then, though.'

* * *

The cold night passed, and the next morning, the cabin's three occupants were awoken by the morning rays of the sun falling through the frozen windows.

Crypto had slept for no more than an hour or so, and felt as stiff as a board as he woke up, every muscle in his Furon body still sore from the crash, the rocky couch not helping either.  
As he sat up and glanced out a window, he could see the Scout Ship nearby was now awkwardly, half-way standing up on its thin metal legs, dirt and snow still sticking to its angled hull as it leaned forward like a runner in the 'set' position, its bow a few feet above the ground. The engines were no longer on fire and Crypto could swear the hole in the cockpit was smaller than before.

Pox had apparently been working hard all night.

Natalya prepared an improvised breakfast, consisting of stale bread with a microscopic layer of butter, and a murky cup of herbal tea to wash it down with.  
Crypto finished the not so appetizing breakfast more out of politeness than hunger, not understanding how Nat and Sergei even lasted for a month living like this.

The rest of the morning revealed itself to be exceptionally boring, with Crypto's two human cabinmates doing not much else than sitting around, reading.

Crypto didn't care for reading, and even if he did, all the books in the cabin were in Russian and he wouldn't have been able to understand a single syllable. The only relief he had from the dull atmosphere of the morning was being called on a few times by Pox to help him out with the repairs of the saucer.  
And whenever that was done, Crypto was glad to be able to go inside again where it was warm, and subsequently kept himself busy warming up in front of the fire while ogling the quietly reading Natalya.

Some time after noon, Sergei eventually got up.

* * *

"Comrades, I'm going out to knock over some trees for firewood." he informed Natalya and Crypto. "I will be back in an hour or so."

He then hoisted a rifle on his shoulder and grabbed a small axe that stood against a wall of the cabin.

"You know what to do in case of trouble, krolishka." he then said to Natalya. "Fire three times in the air and I will rush back. But I trust all will be fine. Dasvidanya, tovarischi."

Sergei then left the cabin through the narrow wooden door.

" 'Knock over some trees'…?" Crypto repeated. "Didn't he mean 'chop down'…? And won't he need a bigger axe for that?"

"Oh, no." Natalya replied. "Sergei fells the trees with his bare hands. The axe is for chopping through the undergrowth."

"-_Gulp_-."

"And don't be alarmed if you hear a gunshot or two. Sometimes the wildlife becomes a little obstinate and need a few rounds to be scared away."

Natalya then turned her attention back to her book, but was soon distracted again as she suddenly felt Crypto leaning against her. He had sat down next to her on the old couch and was now invasively looking over her shoulder.

"What're you readin', dollface…?" he cooed at her.

"Wildlife survival instructions." she frankly replied. "I am currently in the middle of learning how to skin a moose."

"Convenient." Crypto grinned. "How 'bout you put that book away for a while and let me teach you a few ways to pass time on a rainy day…?"

"I don't think so, Crypto."

"C'mon, cupcake, just for old times' sake…"

Natalya then snapped her book closed and angrily turned to the Furon.

"I told you, spaceman, I am with Sergei." she told him sternly. "I like you, tovarisch, but not like that anymore."

Crypto's heart instantly seemed to sink a mile in his chest.

"W-whaddaya mean, dollface…?" he pouted.

"I don't know what you did when you brought me back to life, but I was not myself. I only realized that a while after you had left." Natalya explained. "I think it was very cruel of you to get your way like that."

Crypto slightly averted his gaze in shame.

"Yeah, I, uh… I guess you're right…" he mumbled. "I'm sorry, Nat…"

Natalya then sat back again and reopened her book, resuming reading it without another word.  
Crypto awkwardly sat next to her, now keeping a safe distance. This didn't really go like he'd planned…

About half an hour passed, which felt more like hours to Crypto as he sat staring at the dancing flames of the burning wood in the fireplace, trying to think of something to say to Natalya.  
But his thought was interrupted when a gunshot was suddenly heard in the distance.

It kind of startled him, and he looked at Natalya.

"Don't worry, tovarisch." she assured him, looking up from her book. "Probably just a bear that got too close."

But a few seconds later, three more shots followed in rapid succession, this time sounding closer to the cabin.  
Crypto and Natalya looked at eachother a little anxiously.

"That is worrying." Natalya then said, quickly putting down her book. "I'd better go see."

She got up and grabbed her coat, putting it on in a haste. She then retrieved her gun from a drawer in the cabin's desk and readied it.

"You stay here, comrade." she told Crypto. "Do not go outside. I promise I'll be back."

"B-but-…"

More gunshots were then heard outside and Natalya hurried out the door.  
Crypto bolted over to a window and watched Natalya run off, disappearing amidst the sea of birch trees.  
The sound of gunfire kept ringing through the white forest, seeming to gradually get closer. After no more than a few minutes, Crypto saw Sergei and Natalya reappear from the woods, appearing to back up towards the cabin whilst firing their guns and dodging bullets.

Soon after, Crypto witnessed dozens of Soviets agents appear from amongst the trees, heavily outnumbering their targets and firing at them without mercy.  
Eventually, one of them managed to hit Sergei in the shoulder.  
He groaned and staggered, grabbing his injured limb, but was subsequently shot again in the chest.

Natalya's eyes widened in horror as her comrade's gun slipped out of his hands and he collapsed, his blood rapidly turning the snow a bright red.

"_**Sergei! **_" Natalya cried out, but then let out a cry of pain as a bullet hit her abdomen.

Crypto, having seen everything, then bursted out the cabin, unarmed but taking on the KGB with his mental powers, fueled by pure Furon rage.  
He grabbed the first agent within his reach and PK-slammed him backwards into a tree, before nabbing another and using the human to forcefully knock others over with.

But there were so many of them, and they just kept on shooting at Crypto as well as Natalya. In a flash, Crypto, while fiercely battling the humans, saw her slump towards the ground.

"Forget the girl!" one of them eventually yelled. "She is being as good as dead! Be taking on hairless green poodle! And someone be catching Pyotr!"

The Siberian forest kept echoing with the sounds of gunfire, screams and 'ouchski's' as Crypto tried to gain the upper hand.


	10. Ya Gotta Hafta Do It!

Over at the Scout Ship, Pox had taken notice of the commotion at the cabin, and had hidden his HoloPox unit in the safety of the cockpit. He had not payed much attention to the brawl outside, still busy making repairs, and was startled when Crypto suddenly appeared in the ship in a frantic hurry, carrying a heavily bleeding Natalya.  
He placed her down on the cockpit floor and rushed to the pilot's seat, shoving the HoloPox unit out of his way.

"Wait, I'm not finished-…!" Pox objected, but Crypto was already making the ship take off.

Its engines stuttered and coughed, the landing gear screeching as the metal legs were forced back in the hull.  
The Soviet agents, still in great numbers outside, had opened fire on the ship, and with a nerve-wrecking slow gait it zoomed off, the engines protesting as Crypto forced them on.

When enough momentum was finally gained, Crypto left Earth's atmosphere, taking a huge risk with the half-assed fixed Scout Ship.  
All the while, he heard Natalya writhing in agony behind him, multiple gunshot wounds causing her serious bloodloss.

It seemed like forever to Crypto until the Mothership finally came into view, and he hastened to land the saucer in the hangar, seeing Pox come running over through the glass dome.  
The warrior clone then exited the Scout Ship, carrying a barely conscious Natalya.

* * *

"_**ARE YOU INSAAANE?!**_" Pox screamed at him like a maniac as soon as Crypto came into his view.

"Pox, Nat got shot!" Crypto panted. "You gotta help 'er!"

"The saucer could have crashed again! It could have imploded in the vacuum of space!" Pox rambled on. "Do you have **any** idea how much I paid for it?!"

"C'mon, Pox, Natalya's dyin' on me!" Crypto begged. "You **have** to help her!"

"Absolutely not…!" Pox barked. "I will have no live humans on the Mothership!"

"Then what was all that lab assistant crap about?! Dammit, Pox, just look at her…!"

Pox shifted his gaze to Natalya, and was a bit shocked by her current state. She had trouble breathing and was clutching her stomach with one hand, blood running through her fingers.  
It was also the first time Pox ever saw her in person, and, despite her being half dead, the Furon Commander instantly understood Crypto's obsession with her.  
She might be dying, but she still looked damn good doing it.  
Pox looked at her with confusion in his eyes, his mind telling him no, but the rest of him screaming yes.

"So can you help her…?!" Crypto anxiously asked. "We're runnin' outta time, Pox!"

"I'd be breaking every single Naval Code rule, Crypto…! If the Homeworld found out, they'd-…"

"Screw the Homeworld!" Crypto barked. "They won't know! Please, Poxy, _**please**_…"

Pox was internally at war with ambiguity, but finally, a look into Crypto's desperate eyes won him over.

"Well… Alright…" he hesitantly gave in. "Hurry her over to the medical wing of the lab then."

Crypto immediately raced off, rushing his precious Nat down two spiral staircases to Pox's labs, not wanting to wait for the elevator.  
Once at the medical wing, he gently lay her down on an operating table.

"Just hang in there, goldie…!" Crypto said to her as he stood beside her. "Pox'll fix you up, okay?"

"Wh-… What is this 'pox'…?" Natalya barely managed to ask, her eyes only half open and blankly staring at the warrior clone.

Pox then finally came running into the lab, already gasping from his short sprint around the Mothership.

"Brains-… Crypto-…!" he panted. "You know I can't run that fast…!"

"How bad is it, Pox?!" Crypto asked as his mentor puffed over.

"Well, I have a stitch in my side and I'm quite short on-…"

"Not **you**, dammit! I'm talkin' about Nat!"

"Oh." Pox let out. "Well, I'll have to take a closer look. I'll get started right away. You should leave and allow me to concentrate. Wait outside the labs. I'll let you know of the outcome as soon as I'm done."

"Are you sure…?" Crypto asked anxiously. "Shouldn't I stay and help?"

"No. No offense, Crypto, but you'd only get in my way." Pox told him while already rummaging around for his operating equipment. "Now go. I promise I'll do anything I can to save Natalya."

* * *

Crypto then, after taking one last look at Natalya writhing and bleeding on the table, hesitantly left the medical wing.  
He went to sit in the research wing, but it didn't take long for him to get up to start pacing back and forth in impatience and dread.

Hardly any sound seemed to come from the medical wing, and Crypto worried if that was a good, or a bad thing. At least Natalya wasn't screaming in bloody anguish, but Crypto wondered if Pox was _really_ trying all he could. He didn't hear any spooky drilling or sawing sounds like in the movies…  
He weaved around the lab and stood staring at Earth for hours until, finally, eventually, Pox appeared from out of the medical lab.

Crypto stared at him in horror from across the lab as Pox casually lifted his blood-splattered goggles to his forehead, his gloves and normally crisp-white turtleneck attire also covered in gore.  
The warrior clone ran over to his mentor, and madly looked him in the eyes.

Pox, however, was calmly taking his time, removing his gloves.

"Well?!" Crypto let out, the suspense killing him.

"Natalya will be fine." Pox finally told him, throwing his used gloves in a bin nearby. "She's resting now."

"Really…?!"

"Of course." Pox faintly smiled. "It wasn't easy, though. I had never operated on a live human before… One of the hepatic portal veins in her liver had been grazed by a projectile, causing severe internal bleeding. There was also some superficial damage to one of the lobules and two thoracic vertebrae had been partially shattered by a bullet."

Crypto listened, dumb as a dog as Pox rambled on,

"But the anaesthetic kicked in quickly so I was able to start patching her up almost right away. Using the Gortan Bio-Tissue Revivifier, her wounds were sterilized and cleanly sealed, and she should recover in no time."

"Dammit, Pox, you're a saint." Crypto sighed in relief. "I'd kiss you, but I ain't that kinda Furon. …Aah, what the hell."

And before Pox knew what was happening, Crypto had grabbed him and gave him a big smooch right on the lips.  
Pox flailed his arms wildly and let out muffled noises in protest before finally being able to free himself from the warrior clone's impulsive and lewd embrace.

"_**Uuugh!**_" he spat out as he shoved a grinning Crypto away.

"So how did you fix the Scout Ship so fast, anyway?" Crypto then casually asked his mentor as Pox frantically wiped his lips with the back of his hand in disgust.

"I told you, I wasn't finished…!" Pox angrily replied. "That was an incredibly stupid risk you took, flying it back to the Mothership like that. And besides, during the Martian War I once had to fix my Ion Detonator using nothing but a walnut and two rubber bands. I know my way around Furon technology."

"Right… So, uh, when can I go see Nat?"

"You should leave her to sleep for a few hours." Pox replied. "The sedatives will have well worn off by then. After that, she can stay for a day or so to regain her strengths and then she'll return to Earth."

"Return to Earth…?!" Crypto repeated. "I didn't save 'er just to throw her back…!"

"_**I**_ saved her." Pox countered. "And she's not staying."

"Why not…?! If we dump her back on that planet the KGB'll start tryin' to kill her again!"

"That's none of our concern."

"It is mine! I don't want her to die…! And how could you not care while you've just saved her life…?!"

"Well, I-…" Pox stammered, unsure. "I just don't want that human girl distracting me, around the Mothership! When she's well enough, you're flying her back and that's final."

"I'm not goin' to leave her to fend for herself down there." Crypto said, crossing his arms.

"I'm your _Commander_ and I say she goes back where she came from!"

"Yeah? I say she stays and I'm the Son of Arkvoodle, thereby overruling your puny, common flesh-and-blood-status ruse!"

"That's not fair…!" Pox pouted.

"Damn right it ain't." Crypto replied. "And you'd better deal with it or Arkvoodle might get angry, capiche…?"

"Well, fine!" Pox gave in exasperatedly. "But remember, Crypto, owning a human is a big responsibility. _I'm_ not going to look after her."

"Oh, I'll look after her, alright… Every time she goes by. I think now's right about a good time to go steal that groovy hot tub I saw in a Santa Modesta showroom. _And_ I hear Arkvoodle tellin' me _right now_ that Nat should get your hypnagogic chamber. I figure she could use the privacy…"

"What?!" Pox exclaimed. "I will have no _**monkey**_ sleeping in _**my**_ chamber! It's the only place where I can truly seclude myself and I'm not going to sacrifice it to some-… some _human!_"

"Ah-ah-aaah, careful, Poxerific." Crypto tsk-tsked. "Arkvoodle sez."

Pox then shut his mouth, giving Crypto a sulky glare.

"That's more like it." Crypto smirked. "I'm gonna go take a careful peek at Nat…"


	11. Breakfast

A while then passed, and the darkness that had set on the Mothership hours ago was slowly being replaced by –for lack of a better word- 'morning' light as the Sun came into view again for the geostationary spacecraft.

Pox had wound up at the kitchen table, having some breakfast while still brooding over his unfair loss to Crypto.  
Eventually, said warrior clone also came wandering into the kitchen and planted himself on a chair opposite of his Commander.

* * *

"What have you been doing all this time?" Pox asked him.

"Oh, just starin' intensely at Nat as she slept." Crypto shrugged. "What's for breakfast? I'm starvin'."

He then snatched away the cereal box that stood on the table just as Pox was reaching for it.

"Hey…!" the moody Furon objected.

" 'Natural Breakfast Cereal, With Nuts and Seeds'." Crypto read aloud from the box. " 'Contains rye, wholemeal oats, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, flax seeds-… Yeez, Pox, if you keep eatin' this crap you'll turn into a freakin' beaver if you're not careful."

"_**Eeh**_." Pox let out irritatedly.

"Where's the cornflakes, man? And you know I hate soymilk."

"And _you_ know I refuse to consume the juice of a lactating bovoid." Pox told him. "Have some toast if you're hungry."

"Fine." Crypto replied.

He then got up and proceeded to rummage around the kitchen counters, getting himself some coffee and something to eat.  
Pox sipped his own coffee as he used his psychokinesis to refill his bowl with cereal and soymilk simultaneously.  
After a minute, Crypto sat back down at the other end of the table and noisily began munching on some toast.

"Crypto," Pox then said. "I've been thinking, and if Natalya is staying here, there will need to be some rules."

"Rwuhles…?!" Crypto repeated with a mouthful of toast, spitting crumbs everywhere. "We don't need no stinkin'-…"

"_**Number one!**_" Pox began, interrupting the warrior clone. "The mission goes on unhindered. I don't want any human girl interfering with our harvest of DNA. Which also means Natalya cannot come with you when you gather brainstems down on Earth. I highly doubt she'll be willing to kill 'innocent' specimens of her own species anyway."

"Grrr…" Crypto let out in complaint, but otherwhile remained silent as Pox continued;

"Second, no cloning her. The War Council will throw me to the Furon-eating solar firebulls if they learn of _another_ human clone. Third, no canoodling in my labs! Fourth, if Natalya does anything shady or otherwise unacceptable, like reading through my classified files or some other act of mutiny, I will personally remove her from my Mothership and I can guarantee you, you'll never see her again if that happens."

"Whatever. You done?"

"Almost. Fifth rule, as I said earlier, _you_ are responsible for her. I'm not going to be her errand boy if she needs anything. And last… What happens on the Mothership, _stays_ on the Mothership… Got it?"

"Fine, fine…" Crypto sighed. "And I got a rule for _you_, Pox. No stealin' Nat from me. Not that you stand _any_ chance with 'er."

"Of course I stand a chance if I so choose." Pox huffed. "I'm a Furon male, that makes me irresistable by definition. Lucky for you, I don't think she's my type. And she's too tall. I picture myself in a relationship with a girl like-… Oh, what's her name? You know, that intelligent and delicate dark haired woman from that creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky television show with that fellow who likes to stand on his head. I always imagine myself in a similar relationship; a complete, mutual devotion and obsession for one another."

"No wonder you've never been with any chick. You've been scarin' 'em all off with that stalker crap…!"

"I have not!" Pox objected. "I'm just very particular, that's all."

"Whatever." Crypto said again. "Can we go see Nat now? I wanna make sure she's okay and stuff…"

"I suppose so." Pox said, getting up. "She might have awoken by now."

"Right on. I'll be right over. I'll finish my toast and I gotta take a leak first…"


	12. Wakey Wakey

Natalya felt strange.

She knew she was basically snoozing, drifting in and out of consciousness. She hardly remembered what had happened. She didn't know where she was, but she didn't care. All she knew was that the bed she was lying in was the most comfortable one she'd ever been in, and she wished she would never have to leave it…  
Something then softly touched her hand, the sensation nudging her slowly awake. Apparently she was not alone…

She opened her eyes, her blurred vision showing her a pair of big dark eyes watching her.

"Crypto…?" Natalya hoarsely asked, squinting at the vague figure.

"No, not Crypto…" replied a voice, sounding kind but unfamiliar to her.

Natalya's vision then finally focussed, and she saw a pale grey face, unmistakably Furon, looking back at her with a faint smile. It was indeed definately not Crypto, though.

"Where am I?" Natalya then asked, suddenly becoming a little afraid and attempting to sit up in the bed. "Who are you?"

"Goldie!" another voice then exclaimed from the other end of the room.

When Natalya turned, she finally saw Crypto as he came running over.  
He skidded to a halt at her bed and looked her in the eyes with a strange kind of exhilaration.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "How're you feeling?"

"I-I'm… confused." Natalya replied. "What happened? Where am I? Who is he?"

"Yeah, uh, which one d'ya want me to answer first?"

"Pick one." Natalya replied slightly irritated.

"Well, uh… What happened is that you and Sergei got ambushed at the cabin." Crypto began. "You were shot pretty badly but I rescued you and took you to my Mothership, which is where you are now. You nearly died in the meantime, but Pox, -that's him- managed to save your life…"

"Oh…" Natalya let out, everything slowly coming back to her. "But what about Sergei…?"

"Ah, him, yeah… He didn't make it, cupcake. I uh, I'm sorry…"

Natalya lowered her gaze, staring at her hands in her lap.

"Sergei, my little Mishka bear… Dead." she sighed. "I worried we'd be found… And he swore he'd defend me with his life."

"Well, he didn't die in vain, dollface, 'cause you're safe now, ya hear?" Crypto told her. "You'll never have to worry about the KGB again."

"If you're alright with staying here with us." Pox added. "We'll understand if you want to go back to your, err… natural habitat…?"

"Stay here?" Natalya asked. "In space?"

"Sort of." Crypto replied. "I can take you on trips to Earth whenever you want, though. C'mon, goldie, it'll be a blast! We'll blow up asteroids, watch meteor showers from above the atmosphere, make love in zero-G…"

"I think I'll need a while to think about that…" Natalya replied, putting a hand to her forehead which was beginning to feel light. "How to deal with a household with two spacemen is not exactly something they cover in Good Soviet Housekeeping."


	13. Steamy

A while then passed on the Mothership.

Thanks to Pox's masterful medical skills, within days Natalya felt like she'd never been shot. To Crypto's resentment, he had little other choice than to finally, formally introduce the two. And both needed some time to adjust to the changes; Natalya to her new environment (she kept getting lost on the massive Mothership) and Pox to his new human company.  
Unfortunately for him, it didn't take very long before Pox caught himself developing a small crush on Natalya. He was never going to admit it, though, not even to himself, and he did his best to keep his feelings well hidden, especially from Crypto.

Life mostly returned to normal, with Crypto being sent off again to hunt for Furon DNA while Pox and Natalya remained on the Mothership.

When Crypto was down on the planet and Pox in his labs, Natalya often kept herself busy sharpening her skills in the training dome, even being allowed to practise with Furon weaponry. She also enjoyed the little trips to Earth Crypto took her on as he had promised.

* * *

On a regular enough day, Crypto had just returned to the Mothership with a Scout Ship packed with brainstems.  
He had subsequently payed a flash visit to Pox in his lab, just to show him he was back and had then disappeared, undoubtedly running off to go look for Natalya.

Pox got himself busy unloading the fresh brainstems from the saucer's hull, and after they were transported to the containment dock in the cargo hold down below, safely stored, the Furon Commander found himself deserving of a nice warm shower after all those days of hard lab work.

So he went up to the Mothership's sleeping quarters, and once there, undressed himself in front of his wardrobe. Once done, Pox walked into the bathroom bordering the bedrooms, and headed for the roomy shower cabinet. As he approached it, he saw its glass doors were clouded, which didn't surprise him. Crypto had probably taken a quick shower after returning from Earth.

But as Pox stepped up to the cabinet and slid open its door, intending to get in, he was startled to see it was currently already occupied by Crypto and Natalya, quite in the middle of passionately making out underneath the shower.

"O-oh, brains…" Pox stuttered, pink instantly on his cheeks. "Pardon me…"

He intended to close the shower door again to make a hasty exit, but before he knew it, two different bare arms reached out, one grey and one pink, grabbing him and pulling him into the steamy cabinet, and the door slid back to a quiet close.

* * *

**THE END  
and  
****TO BE CONTINUED**

**SOMEDAY**

**MAYBE**

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading my humble fanfic. If you did, and even if you didn't, please leave a review if you gots the time. Writers love reviews, they do!**


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